Friday, February 19, 2010

The Most difficult Song......

I guess one of the most difficult songs to record on my mix-tape, Beautiful Weirdo, was the song, Touched A Prayer. Every other song on the mix-tape came pretty easy for the most part. I don't know why this song was so difficult...I guess for me it was the most emotionally charged song for me.

The concept of the song came so easy, well at least easier then recording it. I got the concept from hugging superman and then it came to me, as clear as day, that I was physically touching my prayer. A prayer that I had said over 6 years ago. I thought further about this idea of touching a prayer, and I thought about my girlfriends who I dreamed and prayed about, my Godfather  that I prayed about, and a host of other things. It was like an epiphany that I literally talk and touch my prayers every day. So I wondered did people realize that they also talked to and touched some of their prayers as well..and so I wrote about it.

I wrote about my Godfather who is my father and the only father I've truly known and I wrote about superman, the only man who can actually stand next to my father. The writing was easy, it was just the delivery of the song that was the problem. I was utterly and completely terrified of the song.

Though I wrote and arranged it...the song was in a high register..and it was very personal. I was scared to be free and be vulnerable and so I kept holding back. I didn't want to cry on the song I was trying to scale back. Each time I scaled back, the song died a little each time. I was so frustrated that I was to the point where I was going to just scratch the song from the album, but I didn't. I put it on there because of this message. We touch prayers everyday and sometimes we just need to stop to take notice. In fact, we ourselves are someone's prayers. I admit, I still held back, but I put it on there...the original take.

It was a learning process...I'm still learning to be free even in vulnerability. It's hard work:)

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